Needed

I kneel at his feet, feeling the rough carpet under my legs. My heart is thumping, my breathing shallow, my mouth dry. I find it hard to find the words. I know what I want, I know why I'm here but the descriptions and the courage elude me.

I want to be spanked. I want to be flogged. Not because I've done something wrong. Not because I need to cry away the stress. Because I need to feel close to you in a way I can't otherwise. Because I need to feel loved. Because the ache inside will not go away.

How can I tell you. How can I find the words.

Hair Pulling

These days I love it when Obsidian pulls my hair.
I have very long, straight and when it's pulled back into a pony tail and Obsidian grabs hold of it and pulls my head back with it my legs seem to turn to jelly.
I love it when we're having sex, I love it when it's just a friendly tug as he walks by my chair.
It seems to trigger some kind of submissive, sexual, relaxed feeling which just courses straight through my body, right from my scalp to my toes.
Having said that I just like my hair being played with. I love when his hand brushes down it and I feel a relaxing intimate sensation over the back of my head and all the way down my back. I find my self putty in the hands of whoever brushes my hair gently and lovingly, making my hair softer and sleeker.
Long hair might be a real pain to look after but it really can be worth it!

Masochism Rising!

Recently we've been finding I can take more and more during correction or maintenance.

Things that would have sent me running squealing like a little girl are now absolutely fine.

The hair brush used to be a feared instrument of torture and now, while I might not go as far as to say I enjoy it but, it's just not that bad!

I find I need more to keep me level and happy. More often. More Severe. Just More!!!

I find the space where the world turns warm and comfortable, like a dark room with a crackling open fire, is closer than it used to be. It's not long before I reach.... well not quite subspace, that's different for me some how... but a place of almost total relaxation.

It's amazing how much more human I feel, how much me "me" I am, with this.

Age Play

Recently I've become intrigued by age play.

The thought of being able to go back to the age of 6 really appeals to me. I have to admit I know very very little about age play in it self. My thoughts of it revolve around cuddles, feelings of safety, jelly and ice cream and lollipops.

I have no idea, as I write this, how accurate my thoughts are. Although I do know there are many types of age play. I know that adult baby play doesn't interest me. I've heard a few podcasts around the subject but that's all.

The Rules

1. 
   
   All Chocolate, Fizzy Drinks, Fast Food and other Unhealthy foods must be discussed with Obsidian prior to consumption.
   
   
   
   
   
2. 
   
   Electrical equipment must be switched off immediately after use, including at switches.
   
   
   
   
   
3. 
   
   Clothes must not be left on the bedroom floor during the day.
   
   
   
   
   
4. 
   
   Clothes, especially socks must not be left in the living rooms.
   
   
   
   
   
5. 
   
   Vitamin tablets must be taken everyday with out fail and checked off on the calender.
   
   
   
   
   
6. 
   
   If Scarlet begins to feel that she needs a release and therefore is tempted to break the rules she must discuss this with Obsidian before it becomes a problem so maintenance can be carried out.
   
   
   
   
   
7. 
   
   Nails must be neat and (if time permits) painted at all times. If nail polish becomes scratched or chipped it must be touched up, removed or replaced as soon as possible.
   
   
   
   
   
8. 
   
   All cupboard doors and draws must be closed and everything put away as soon as Scarlet has finished with them.
   
   
   
   
   
9. 
   
   Scarlet must be clean, underwear matching and ready for inspection at all times.
   
   
   
   
   
10. 
    
    These rules may be amended and added to at any time.
    
    
    
    
    
11. ...
    

Any violation of these rules will result in corporal punishment, using the cord. Continued violation will result in a more strict punishment increasing with continued violation.

Additions to Rationing.

Well today I came home with a bottle of coke in my car (mostly drunk), and so Obsidian feels we should add fizzy drinks and all other bad foods (including burgers and other fast food and anything unhealthy) to the list.

Any un-discussed consumption of unhealthy foods will result in corporal punishment, with the cord.


This makes me feel better in some way. Some how stronger. Like I'm less likely to fail. And if I slip I haven't failed at....something bigger......life, I suppose.

In the last few days the cord has been out on a number of occasions all for small but very valid reasons.

To help me to keep the cord away Obsidian suggested I should start to write a list of the rules...... So my next post will be the beginning of the list and I can keep referring back to it and adding to it as new rules come up.

Chocolate rationing

Today Obsidian and I have come to an agreement.

Due to my difficultly losing weight and controlling myself (especially where chocolate is concerned), chocolate will now be rationed on a discussion basis.

If I want chocolate I will go to Obsidian with a proposal, even to ask if I can have chocolate. We will then discuss my reasoning as to why I want it and if I should have it. Obsidian will decide how much I should have and I must follow that.

If I break our agreement the cord comes out.

Not sure how we'll work this for when I'm away from Obsidian and with friends but... we'll see how it goes!