Collars

I...err...want a collar.

I'm not realy sure where the thought came from. I know I used to enjoy wearing the collars we used to have in our toy box but that's not where this came from. I don't mean I want a collar to play with. I want a collar that could be with me 24 hours a day 7 days a week. 

That's not to mean I want a 24/7 lifestyle power excange... I don't.

I would just love to have a reminder of my love and devotion to Obsidian with me at all times, and of his love and comitment to me. 

I know it sounds stupid - we spend all of our waking and sleeping time together. We're inseparable. But yes... I really want a collar.

The thought of being able to feel something allday everyday that reminds my of my connection, and of what might happen if I do anything wrong excites me.

Oh and Obsidian.... if you ever have a mad moment.... this is the kind of thing I have pictured in my mind!

Another Stroppy Shopping Trip

Well. It turns out the correction is working.


Yesterday we took another trip into town. We'd been in there for some time when I was getting hungry and tired and I was having communication problems. Instead of saying "I'm hungry my blood sugars are dropping and I can feel it" - I conversationally said "What are we doing for lunch".
I think as it was Valentines day and we were out in town Obsidian thought that this was a push towards going out for a meal or something. What ever he thought he answered with a general "Well we'll be home soon. We'll have something then."
Me being tired, cranky and low on reserves got frustrated - believing stupidly that this was Obsidian ignoring me, and ignoring what I was trying to say. I got totally worked up and started raising my voice and getting the nasty squeaky tone that stress bring to my voice.
At which point Obsidian pulled me to one side he tried talking rationally to me - but I was just getting more and more stressed. Finally he leaned in close to my ear and whispered "Are you wanting the same consequences as yesterday?"


At once I felt my self relax, become grounded, switching off the race within my head. I know it shouldn't, as what he was proposing is supposed to be a punishment, but I could feel a surge of heat and throbbing within my pussy. A temptation to push him, to create a situation where he would have no choice but to spank me. A greater part of me just wanted to make him happy, so I let the relaxation take me away.


Only a fortnight ago I would have been sure that we would never be here. That we would not have any of this dynamic in our lives again. A part of me is afraid it will be taken away again. Another part of me is very afraid it will take me over.

Neglect and Correction

Today I didn't look after myself and I let myself down.

We were busy with many jobs to do dashing in and out of the home and office fetching and carrying and in the rush... I forgot to eat. You wouldn't think that was a bad thing if you saw me - at a BMI of 35 I'm not the most petite - but the problem is if I don't eat I suffer. And that means everyone around me suffers. If I let my blood sugar drop I become, tired, touchy, easily upset, over reactive - I become a nightmare.

Today my blood sugar hit critical levels while we were shopping and carrying out chores around town. A miss communication turned into a big deal and I ended up crying in the middle of a shopping center at a busy lunch time. My other half not knowing why.

It was gone 2:30 before I managed to eat. And, yes, I felt much better. But by this time I was worn out and both physically and emotionally drained. I spent the rest of the afternoon hardly about to keep my eyes open and certainly not able to concentrate. "The Boss" was not impressed!

I was still burnt out and in an emotional state when we closed up for the day. 

I was very nervous when being told what I had done wrong and how that had effected, not just me, but my partner and our working environment. And the nerves stayed when I was gently bent till kneeling on the floor at my lover's feet.  Here though I felt at peace, I was where I belong. I could have knelt there moments or hours with my forehead resting on her knee. Feeling safe, warm and comforted. Feeling his hand caress my hair. All too soon though it was time to talk.

I was asked if I knew what went wrong today. I can't remember my answer but I know we some how came to the conclusion that everything had stemmed from the one act of a simple missed meal and escalated when I wouldn't stop and eat or even speak up to explain I hadn't eaten and needed to.

Obviously I should have spoken up, I should have done something about it - and that is why I'm sitting here with a sore behind typing.

One thing about me... I can't take a hair brush to the behind. Today I did... and did...and did. I have no idea how I managed it all - I knew it was getting harder and harder as he swapped me over from leaning in one direction to another over his knee. I even remember asking him to stop when the thuds became stinging beginning to spread down the backs of my thighs, but you know... I have now never felt so relaxed and at peace.

The correction, I believe, has worked. I think I'll be a lot more mindful of sugar levels and general taking care of myself in future. Another thing it has done is it has effectively drawn a line under the bad day. Normally I would be stressing, feeling guilty, and using an incident like this as a way to make me feel bad about myself - the correction has given me an effect to my cause and now I can move on and try to be better next time.

Again I am blown away by my partner's understanding and his sixth sense. I am feeling so blessed and I feel so much more whole. It's truly incredible. 

I'm surprised as how easily I can just slip into submission right now. As soon as my forehead touched his knee tonight a sense of calm and ease came over me. I was happy to give my self  completely over to him. I am truly blessed.

Well Hidden Submissive

Recently I have been being punished for anything I do wrong. 

It had been so long that I had pushed down my submissive side. Well, well down. I thought I could cope with out "it", I wondered if it would ever be brought out again.

Two proper spanking sessions within a week of each other has been all it has taken to bring it all flooding back. 

The first time was just a week ago. I have even forgotten what I must have done to deserve it - or even if there was any thing specific. 

I can remember being forced down on the desk - worrying about paper work and important files and documents. 

My thoughts and emotions yoyo'd throughout the whole session worrying about various things, memories, things to do, what if someone could hear, what was the time, why is this happening, is he alright, is this the ring thing to be doing, is this the right time to be doing it. 

I kept snapping out of the right frame of mind and with that the sting was unbearable. 

After many times of being pushed, sometimes gently and sometimes less so, back down I began bargaining, explaining I couldn't take any more, that I didn't know why he was doing it. We hugged, he soothed me, looked after me till I was relaxed. 

Then he asked me to bend back over the desk. I couldn't understand why - surely I had taken enough. So I asked. 

"You haven't had enough yet" was the reply. For some reason that relaxed me and I could finally submit - I knew he knew what he was doing, that it was what was best for me, that I was safe and it was the right thing to do. I don't know what it was, whether it was the tone of voice of the look in his eye but I knew that everything was going to be OK.

After that I could just take it again.I was happy to relax, to take what I was given and what I deserved, I let myself relax into each strike. Flooding my body with warmth, love, discipline, care, pain, ache, relaxation. I could truly let go. 

That night was the best night I had had in years. I could lay by my lovers feet warm and content in my submission. Floating on a cloud of love.

I slept well that night.

That was the night I realised that my true nature had been hidden, not eradicated as I thought.

Turns out my partner had know that I had needed that for weeks. Had seen the signs, the irritability, being tense, and... I don;t know what else. He'd been reading up on it. Planning it for weeks. 

Totally to my surprise.

To night I had forgotten to water the plants, even though I had been reminded, and so I needed to be taught a lesson. Immediately I fell straight in to some form of subspace. I could feel the strikes but the pain was immediately turned into stress relief and total bliss. The world shrunk from around me until it included only the two of us and the moment we were in. I can remember being worried at one point when the strikes were too painful for me not to cry out that I would be heard but that soon evaporated. I know this doesn't seem like a punishment but I can tell you the last 20 or so were... I know I felt that *ouch* they stung. 

Again I am left feeling relaxed, at peace and happy in my own skin.

Thank you my love for listening to who I really am. Thank you for getting your head around it and back to where we are. Thank you for knowing me better than I know myself. And thank you for making my life so wonderful and full of love. 

I love you with all my heart!