We were busy with many jobs to do dashing in and out of the home and office fetching and carrying and in the rush... I forgot to eat. You wouldn't think that was a bad thing if you saw me - at a BMI of 35 I'm not the most petite - but the problem is if I don't eat I suffer. And that means everyone around me suffers. If I let my blood sugar drop I become, tired, touchy, easily upset, over reactive - I become a nightmare.
Today my blood sugar hit critical levels while we were shopping and carrying out chores around town. A miss communication turned into a big deal and I ended up crying in the middle of a shopping center at a busy lunch time. My other half not knowing why.
It was gone 2:30 before I managed to eat. And, yes, I felt much better. But by this time I was worn out and both physically and emotionally drained. I spent the rest of the afternoon hardly about to keep my eyes open and certainly not able to concentrate. "The Boss" was not impressed!
I was still burnt out and in an emotional state when we closed up for the day.
I was very nervous when being told what I had done wrong and how that had effected, not just me, but my partner and our working environment. And the nerves stayed when I was gently bent till kneeling on the floor at my lover's feet. Here though I felt at peace, I was where I belong. I could have knelt there moments or hours with my forehead resting on her knee. Feeling safe, warm and comforted. Feeling his hand caress my hair. All too soon though it was time to talk.
I was asked if I knew what went wrong today. I can't remember my answer but I know we some how came to the conclusion that everything had stemmed from the one act of a simple missed meal and escalated when I wouldn't stop and eat or even speak up to explain I hadn't eaten and needed to.
Obviously I should have spoken up, I should have done something about it - and that is why I'm sitting here with a sore behind typing.
One thing about me... I can't take a hair brush to the behind. Today I did... and did...and did. I have no idea how I managed it all - I knew it was getting harder and harder as he swapped me over from leaning in one direction to another over his knee. I even remember asking him to stop when the thuds became stinging beginning to spread down the backs of my thighs, but you know... I have now never felt so relaxed and at peace.
The correction, I believe, has worked. I think I'll be a lot more mindful of sugar levels and general taking care of myself in future. Another thing it has done is it has effectively drawn a line under the bad day. Normally I would be stressing, feeling guilty, and using an incident like this as a way to make me feel bad about myself - the correction has given me an effect to my cause and now I can move on and try to be better next time.
Again I am blown away by my partner's understanding and his sixth sense. I am feeling so blessed and I feel so much more whole. It's truly incredible.
I'm surprised as how easily I can just slip into submission right now. As soon as my forehead touched his knee tonight a sense of calm and ease came over me. I was happy to give my self completely over to him. I am truly blessed.
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